


tell me what to do

by hypersensing



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, Dying Relationship, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, i didn't really try, i think bc hansol is technically still underage, i usually only write fluff what's going on, it's not even that bad though, just angsty, sad boys make bad decisions, sad end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-21
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-09-01 05:20:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8610337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypersensing/pseuds/hypersensing
Summary: Jihoon gives up and Hansol decides whether or not to let him.
I wrote this with SHINee's Tell Me What To Do on repeat.





	

“I just don’t think we know each other well enough.”

Jihoon wasn’t looking Hansol in the eyes. Hansol tried to remember what Jihoon’s eyes used to make him feel. Hansol couldn’t say Jihoon was wrong in what he’d said, they had long given up on making each other happy.

It had started with a mutually forgotten anniversary. Lying in bed together, naked and sweaty and dizzy, when Jihoon’s phone broke the grieving silence with Soonyoung asking how they were celebrating. They ended up “celebrating” with a bottle of five dollar wine Hansol won from a raffle at a charity event back from when he knew how to be enthusiastic about things. They only got a third the way through the bottle before Jihoon silently left the kitchen and went back to bed. Hansol waited until he knew Jihoon would be asleep before going in the bedroom himself. 

In all honesty, Hansol was surprised that Jihoon had been the first to talk. They hadn’t truly been dating for a few weeks, when they stopped pretending that they cared for each other anymore. They knew they had to formally break up eventually, but if they didn’t have it in them to love each other, they certainly didn’t have it in them to leave each other. The honorary title of ‘boyfriend’ was suffocating, but it was convenient. It was easier when family asked – and they did- or when they just wanted to pretend they had their life sorted out.

If Hansol wanted, he could play along, play the heroic boyfriend willing to wipe Jihoon’s tears and tell them that they could fix this. The idea made him smile more than Jihoon had made him smile for a while.

Hansol had never been good at reading people, he couldn’t tell if Jihoon wanted him to play along or to simply agree with his statement and end it quickly. In looking at Jihoon to figure it out, he realised how much Jihoon had changed. His ear piercings had closed up and he had a hickey on his neck that Hansol didn’t recognise. He decided it was no longer his place to ask, or care. 

“I had hoped you’d give up first. Let me have something to blame you for.”

Hansol nodded, eyes moving from his feet to the opposite platform of the train station they were sitting at. It was night time, morning probably, and they were the only ones there. The station only had two platforms and two tall lights, but they were sitting on the furthest bench down the platform they could, away from the amber fluorescence. Hansol thought it would be a lot more dramatic if it was raining and he could put his coat around Jihoon. He dumped the thought when noticing that Jihoon was wearing a big coat, whereas Hansol himself was in no more than a hoodie and jeans.

Long minutes were spent with Hansol trying to think of something to say. Jihoon wasn’t leaving, so he must have been waiting for Hansol to speak. Hansol thought lots of things and said none of them.

This was the train station they met up at for most of their dates before they moved in together. Neither of them we keen on learning to drive, so they’d meet up at the train station and travel together. They’d joke about taking turns picking each other up with their chauffeured train rather than a car, Hansol didn’t really understand how they found that funny at the time, but he doesn’t understand many things that have changed between them.

“You’ve changed the most.” Jihoon says in a toneless voice. Hansol doesn’t understand. He’d thought he was the only thing to be left behind in the world which changed around him. “You got selfish.” Hansol realised that as Jihoon said it. He let the thought drag. 

There had undoubtedly been a time when they were very much in love with each other. Kisses were often and varied, problems were vocalised and dealt with. They sent that year’s Christmas cards with both their names on. Jihoon would work at the cinema, not where he wanted but he liked being around the smell of popcorn all the time. Hansol would work at the front desk of a motel, putting up with it for the game of making up stories about every person to check in and out.

Jihoon had always initiated skinship, something Hansol was congratulated for by those who’d known Jihoon long enough. Back hugs with Jihoon’s face pressed between Hansol’s shoulder blades, Jihoon leaning into Hansol’s chest while they were waiting to pay for their groceries, hand holding when it was cold, when they used to be able to warm each other up.

They’d said they’d wanted to get a pet together, something low maintenance and straightforward. Hansol held Jihoon who cried when their first fish died, patted his shoulder when their second fish died, and flushed the third one away while it was still alive in one of their arguments. 

If Jihoon had walked away while Hansol was remembering this, he wouldn’t have noticed. Hansol wouldn’t even be able to tell if Jihoon was breathing if not for the visible vapour leaving his nose due to the winter temperature. 

“Breathe.” He told Jihoon. Jihoon nodded.  
“Yeah. Ok.”

Jihoon stood up and walked away.

**Author's Note:**

> jihoon's character is meant to be detached and undeveloped on purpose
> 
> i don't know why but whenever i decide on a pairing i never have to think about which character's perspective it'll be from?? this may be bad perspective planning but i always instinctively go to the one i associate with more (read: introverts)
> 
> another thing: the dialogue isn't the lyrics of the song... when i was pretending to proofread it, it kind of sounded like i was putting the song lyrics in the story... but it's just that i didn't want there to be loads of dialogue so that what dialogue there was could have more meaning i guess. also, the thing where you don't actually get told the location till like 400 words in is also me trying to make hansol all out of focus and coming back to reality. i feel like writers aren't meant to explain these things but i'm not a writer.
> 
> finally, the idea was that the 'tell me what to do' from the song title was telling jihoon to breathe, meaning to leave him. i think it was clear enough but i wanted to put it here in case. i upset myself by the end, mostly because i wrote this all in one sitting.


End file.
